For those of you, who doesn`t know me well enuff.. What do u think i am? What sort of person i am? Whats ur 1st impression (of me) if u remembered. Well im sad enough to say that, it may not look the same as u wished. Well Bernard is a guy, who is very emotional. I must say, im not a very filial child. There are times, i looked back on what i did, and i could really say, such actions are not abled to be tolerated. But, since i have done it, its hard to rewind, or even undo it. Life isn`t like computers, where u faced an error, u could juz simply CTRL ALT DEL. I wished i could. But no. To me, Life is boring, life is sad, full of misery, full of hatred and pain. Why will i have such thinking? Is it becuz i don`t have the correct friends? or is it i spend too much time alone, and thinking abt the wrong stuffs. I really don`t understand..

One fine day came, i was seriously too into this particular girl, whom now, turned my life upside down. From a man of his dreams, to a good for nothing kinda guy. Why am i being beaten down by such a failure? instead, i should learn my mistake and stand up after falling.. I will say, for now, i won`t get into any relationships, cuz i know i don`t have a stable career, i don`t have the correct mindset. Both of us will eventually suffer.

Most girls, will say, i don`t mind ur looks, and how poor you are when they really want to get near to you. (which doesn`t happen to me frequently) Yes, i noe t here are such good girls ard. But, majority of them had another objective. They make u fall in love with them so deeply, and den throw u away when u`re down. YEP! juz like that. they make use of you!Im so sad already.. ANd s uch ppl do such things to you. How will you feel?

I sometimes feel lonely. I sorta, choose my friends. and most of them, doesn`t really ARE my frens. they sorta make use of you, untill they get everything, they enjoyed themselves, and den, say bye to you.. i won`t name them, but they were a bunch of so called "brothers" den. Hmm,.. i dunnoe wads the point of posting this, maybe i don`t have some1 who will understand me to talk to.

I get emo alot of time, b4 i slp, after i wake up. my life is literally screwed up. BY ME. yes. I won`t blame any1 for causing this, but 1 thing for sure, i will say is, how my family brought me up. i will say, its the wrong way of bringing up a child. My family and i, we seldom communicate, sit down n talk, or even have dinner together. This house im living in, is more like a place for me to slp, rather den a place for me to share my tots, and my feelings. I really don`t know what to do.

I`ve got alot of hobbys, i dream big, thats good, BUT, i don`t make the 1st step. I`m still idling. And i realy hate this. I need to get a life of my own. I need to be independent! Im not earning alot of money.. i barely support myself with juz a few hundreds per month. How am i gonna support a girl if i ever had a girlfriend? Some ppl will say, Bernard, u`re so rich! u got this this that that. But, where the money comes from? i won`t say its 100% all my money, but maybe 60% to 70%.. My parents isn`t supportive, and they`re too old to even understand my genaration`s thinking. And our lifestyle. This is where the problem comes in. For example, Computers, they don`t use computers, and they won`t know how fragile the computer is, how hard is it to maintain and catch up with time. My computer, is already 6years old. all i did, was upgrade to 512mb of ram. it was still able to support my unit den. But now, its totally diff. its getting slower n slower as each minutes pass. I would den, have to save money, and upgrade it.

Like i said, i won`t blame any1. Its all my fault. Who ask me, quit sch already, dun1 to go n work? instead, spent my money to go study some stupid shit. which doesn`t make me who i wanted to be. Its the society thats so cruel nowadays. No certificates, u can`t go anywhere. where else, if u have like a PHD, u`re more likely to be welcomed anywhere on the face of th e earth. Now, i would concentrate on sliming down, and get prepared for NS. yea, its tough n waste of time, but this is our country, we must ourselves defend it. =) And of cuz, im so so into guitars and bikes. I would not say im good at both, but im trying to be one. Pls drop comments, if u have something to say.. i won`t be in a defensive or offensive mode, but instead i`ll listen to advices, but will choose if i have to follow it or not. =) Yup. thats abt it. I hope i`ll get better day by day! In God i trust.

posted by Bernard @ Monday, July 16, 2007